Happy Or Holy In Marriage?

I use to think I was very holy

Lori Alexander

My best friend and I were talking the other day and she said they would probably join a small group that is studying marriage and that the goal of marriage should be holiness, not happiness.I’ve been pondering that ever since. 
I’ve often heard that God wants our holiness, not necessarily our happiness. I wonder… How does the outside world know we are any different if we aren’t happy? My neighbors can’t tell if Ken and I have a holy marriage by observing us once in awhile but they can tell we have a happy marriage if we’re always holding hands, talking, and laughing with each other.
God’s Word admonishes us frequently to rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice,“sing to the Lord a new song, consider it all joy, etc.” We should be the happiest people around, because we know all the riches we have in Christ. This is what will attract others to Him. 
However, I use to think I was very holy… much holier than Ken. I took my kids to Awana faithfully every week. I went to church and taught Sunday School. I read my Bible and prayed every day but I had continual strife with Ken. I thought I would be happy if he would change so I went about trying to change him.How did I possibly think this was being holy? I just read this;

For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? {I Cor. 3:3} 

Happy and Holy Bride and GroomWow! Have you ever thought about applying that verse to your marriage? God doesn’t want there to be strife among us, especially our marriages but most marriages are filled with strife! God wants us to be at peace with all men but I had no peace with Ken. 
Since we no longer argue and have peace, I am happy… so is he! I finally figured out I needed to change myself and now I am happy. Ken didn’t need to change, I did. I think happiness is a by-product of holiness.
When we are living a life the way God wants us to with Him living inside of us giving us the power to do it and set apart for Him, we are happy. Not always, but most of the time. {Illness and death are times we grieve and we are to grieve with those who grieve.} Christians should be known as happy people. So smile and laugh a lot! 

Happy is that people… whose God is the Lord. Psalm 144:15 

Happy is he… whose hope is in the Lord his God. Psalm 146:5 

This is the day that the Lord hath made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

~ Lori

You are invited to comment or contact Lori Alexander at her “Always Learning” blog.
Always Learning Logo
About Lori Alexander
A graduate of Westmont College, Lori and her husband Ken have been married for 34 years. They have four grown children who walk in Truth and two precious grandchildren. All of their children are happily married to godly spouses. Lori loves teaching women to be sober, to love their husbands and children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to their husbands as the Bible teaches. She has a personal teaching blog where she shares what she has seen in God’s Word work in her life and the lives of many others. “A wise man will hear, and will increase in learning…”{Proverbs 1:5}. We encourage you to visit her “Always Learning” blog.