Lori Alexander True Romance

Sex On Sunday

Yes, it is Sunday and I’m going to write about sex.

Lori AlexanderI thought since God is the one who created sex, He would think it was okay that I write about it!  One young woman commented on a previous post that she has a hard time wanting to give much sex to her husband because she has a young baby and is very tired.  She isn’t in the mood and she feels like he is thinking only about himself.

I completely understand.  When I had four children under five and a half years old, I was exhausted all the time and didn’t “feel” like having sex at all!  Now that I am older and wiser, I see the importance of meeting your husband’s needs even if you are tired and don’t “feel” like it.

Never base your actions upon your feelings, base them on doing what is right.  Meeting your husband’s sexual needs is always right in marriage according to Scripture {unless you’re sick or in pain but even then there are usually ways to meet his needs…I know. I was sick and in pain for over 20 years}.

The majority of men are not perverts. 

God made them to want sex..a lot of it.  Their testosterone levels are very high (250-750) compared to a women’s (25-75) but God gave them all that testosterone for a very good reason ~  to go out and provide a living for their families, to defend their country and families, to stay attracted to their wives, and as Dr. Laura said, “To slay the dragons”.

God didn’t give us as much testosterone because he wants us home nurturing our families and loving on them.  We are the weaker vessel and we feel like it a lot especially during the childbearing years.  God created us to be our husband’s help meet first and foremost, so we must do that even when we don’t “feel” like it.

We are sure quick to meet our babies needs in the middle of the night when we don’t “feel” like it.  We do it anyway because it is the right thing to do. When we are meeting our husband’s needs, we are serving God because this is what He asks us to do and it is the right thing to do. I Corinthians 7:3,4.

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

A Week Later

One friend read my post “Sex On Sunday” yesterday and commented, “Well, he needs to be helping around the house and with the baby if he wants sexual fulfillment from his wife.”  I use to think like that.  “I will do my part in the marriage, IF he lives up to his part.”

I think that is why most marriage books I use to read didn’t help.  They tell you how the husband should act and how the wife should act. I would look at the way the husband was supposed to act and think how short Ken fell from treating me the way the book said he should treat me.  I was always upset with him for not fulfilling his part of the relationship.

Debi Pearl’s book spoke directly to me because when we stand before our Maker, He’s not going to accept excuses for my behavior because of Ken.  I am responsible for my behavior, not Ken’s behavior.  He’s just going to ask me how I fulfilled my part in being a wife.

Life is so much more pleasant and enjoyable when you aren’t always thinking about yourself and how other people are treating you…being offended easily and placing expectations on others.  Instead, you are focused on serving and loving other people and doing what God commands you to do.

A good exercise for you to do would be to make a list of all the things your husband does that bothers you.  Now make a list next to it of how you react to those things….pout, give the silent treatment, nag, manipulate, withhold sex, yell, etc.  Ask yourself, “Now who, exactly, is in the wrong?”  Start pointing the finger once in awhile at yourself instead of always pointing it at him. Luke 6:31

And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

Loving Your Husband

My sister, Debbi, and I were talking about “godly” women the other day.  Women think they are godly when they go to Bible studies, read their Bible, pray everyday, and get involved in lots of outside ministries: school, church, and community service.

However, Scripture admonishes the older women to train the younger women to do what???  Is one of the first things they are to train the younger women to do…read their Bibles, pray, get involved in lots of activities, etc.?  No, it is to love their husbands.

So what does loving their husbands look like?  It is described in I Corinthians 13

…being patient, kind, bearing all things, enduring all things, not taking into account a wrong suffered, etc. 

I think it also means to serve them and please them.

When you truly love someone, you want to do everything you can to make them happy.  Men are not that difficult to please…lots of good food, sex, and no nagging! So go and make your husband happy!  You reap what you sow.  If you make him happy, you are likely to be happy yourself. Titus 2:3,4.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,  so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,…”  

Winning Them Without A Word

Scripture makes an INCREDIBLE promise to women….We can actually win our husbands without a word.  Win them to what….Jesus, us???  How do we win them…This is key?  Without a word!

Wow!  We are so good at preaching to them or being disrespectful to them when they act like jerks.  But Scripture says we win them without a word as they observe our behavior.  So what should our behavior look like…loving, serving, kind, gentle, quiet {Yikes…I’m not too good at that one}, forgiving easily, not rolling your eyes when they say something stupid, etc.  There is no promise in Scripture given to men like this one.

Women wield a lot of power through their behavior. 

It is actually quite amazing.  I have taught many women Debi Pearl’s book which points to Scripture as our guide.  Within a week…Yes, a week…these women come back to me and say how much their marriage has improved because they just started smiling at their husbands, being joyful around them, and stopped arguing with them.  ONE WEEK!!!

I will ask the husbands how their relationship is going and they will tell me how great it has been lately.  They aren’t sure why {they don’t know about ‘the book’} but they know they like this new relationship. I Peter 3:1

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.

~ Lori

You are invited to comment or contact Lori Alexander at her “Always Learning” blog.

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About Lori Alexander
A graduate of Westmont College, Lori and her husband Ken have been married for 34 years. They have four grown children who walk in Truth and two precious grandchildren. All of their children are happily married to godly spouses. Lori loves teaching women to be sober, to love their husbands and children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to their husbands as the Bible teaches. She has a personal teaching blog where she shares what she has seen in God’s Word work in her life and the lives of many others. “A wise man will hear, and will increase in learning…”{Proverbs 1:5}. We encourage you to visit her “Always Learning” blog.